My journey

Well, I finished my second round of chemo this last Friday. Only 6 more to go. I feel much better after this one. Hubby left the Sunday after the first one and doesn't know how I was affected. He thought yesterday was a really bad day, when in reality I had much more energy this time than last time. I was even able to work 4 hours today and didn't once feel like I was trying to swim up stream.

My hair started coming out yesterday. I'm so glad that I knew a tingly scalp meant that. The tingly feeling is a pain. I had my hair cut shorter about a week ago, so it wouldn't be a housekeeping issue when it came out. It's funny to not really care that I have all this hair in my hands. Wore my wig to school for the first time. One of the 8th graders was nice enough to tell me that all his classmates were making fun of my hair. Now, you must understand that my husband calls it my Sharon Osbourne wig. I decided early on that I was going to have as much fun with all these lemons I was given as I possible. Besides, if I'm going to care what a bunch of 8th graders think about me, then I'm working at the wrong place. I do though, care what my 7th graders friends have to say. He said no one said anything. Of course, I think they also know what is going on with me.

I just wish my kids had the courage to let me go around bald....it would be so much easier....but I guess people still feel bad when they see bald chemo heads and don't know what to do. I can certainly understand that.

This certainly seems to be an interesting road I have found myself on, and I plan on having the best time possible. Attitude is everything!

You have cancer

It’s funny how fast your life can change. Just a few words from a doctor’s mouth and suddenly you are viewed differently.

When I went for my mammogram, I thought nothing of it. Just the normal screening test I’ve been getting for years. Even when I was told I needed a sonogram, I wasn’t worried. But when it took such a long time for her to do the sonogram, I thought, “Maybe there is more to this, this time.”

A week later, my gynecologist calls and gives me a few surgeons’ names to call for an appointment. The appointment is scheduled, he looks at the films, offhandedly remarks “there are some characteristics of cancer” and suggests a biopsy.

My boss was appalled that I had to wait so long for the biopsy. Seems they only do two of that kind a day where I was going and I had a three week wait. Luckily for me, she is firm and pestered me to see her doctor. She was diagnosed two years ago. Well, I hemmed and hawed, but she was persistent. She finally just told me, “If you are interested, they can see you tomorrow. The number is…..” So, I went to her doctor, who has a wonderful bedside manner.

He was going on vacation the following week, so I had to wait until he got back for him to do the biopsy, but it was scheduled. We joked around during the biopsy, discussing the Beatles, Elvis and the Stones. He chastised me for believing it was cancer. I informed him that I always hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Besides, no one was telling me it was probably nothing to worry about. He didn’t either.

The following week I went back for the pathology results. Can you imagine telling your doctor “I told you so” when he tells you you have cancer! That is exactly what I did! There was a calmness that washed over me at that time and it has yet to desert me. With yearly mammograms, I know this has been caught early and my chances are wonderful. Now, if only I can survive everyone else knowing!

Well, against my better instincts, I let my youngest talk me into something. Yesterday we got an AOL cd in the mail. The other day he'd been chatting with a buddy who was able to do things he couldn't. Upon inquiry, he found out the stuff was available only with AOL 8. So when we got the cd he asked me to install it on the computer. I told him why I didn't want to, but you know how the charm works. So, to make a long story short, I installed it this morning. We then proceeded to go online. It didn't take long for him to say, "Sorry, Mom. You can get rid of it." That's all fine and good, but he has an older brother. So we called him in, so he could see what our objections were. Well, you know how that goes. He didn't have any trouble. Nor, when we logged off, did it update and ask about installing new software. So he's in a funk that we are taking it away from him.
But the younger, more computer saavy one just asked, "Why do so many people like AOL?" He thinks it takes to long to log off and doesn't like that it adds software without asking. Plus, he also agrees, that it is like taking a giant step backwards when using it so it hampers rather than enhances our online expeirence. Now if only I could get the other one to feel the same way!

I just spent two and a half hours trying to find a hotel room when we go to Hershey Park next month to see Alabama. What a major pain. First we needed a swimming pool. Remember when they used to be standard? Well, not any more. Then it had to be queen beds. Then I got the bright idea of a suite, so the kids could sleep in one room and the husband & I could pretend we were on a second honeymoon. That worked fine untill the youngest informed me that he would not sleep with his older brother. Oh, well, what is a mother to do? So I ended up reserving the room with the suite. I guess we will have to wait to see who sleeps with whom. The funny part is, I thought online reservations would be so much easier. Now I know differently. Although it was cheaper to do it online.

Haven't been to a concert in years. Hope I'm not disappointed with Alabama. I remember what a disappointment the Beach Boys were 20+ years ago....their voices were basically shells of what they had been. Time will tell, and so will I .

Subject: Where God wants me to be...

Next time your morning seems to be going wrong and the children are
Slow getting dressed and you can’t seem to find the car keys and you hit every traffic light, don't get mad or frustrated; praise God instead because God is at work watching over you.

After Sept. 11 ... I happened to call a man on business that I didn't
Know and have not, nor will ever, talk to again. But this day, he felt like talking.

He was head of security of a company that had invited the remaining
members of a company who had been decimated by the attack on the Twin
Towers to share their office space. With his voice full of awe he told me stories of why these people were alive and their counterparts were dead .....and all the stories were just ’little’ things.

As you might know, the head of the company got in late that day
because his son started kindergarten.

Another fellow was alive because it was his turn to bring donuts.

One woman was late because her alarm clock didn't go off in time.

One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike because of an
auto accident.

One missed his bus.

One spilled food on her clothes and had to take time to change.

One's car wouldn't start.

One went back to answer the telephone.

One had a child that dawdled and didn't get ready as soon as he should have.

One couldn't get a taxi.

There were other stories that I hope and pray will someday be gathered and put in a book.

The one that struck me was the man who put on a new pair of shoes that morning, took the various means to get to work but before he got
there, he developed a blister on his foot. He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid. That is why he is alive today.

Now when I am stuck in traffic, miss an elevator, turn back to answer
a ringing telephone.... all the little things that annoy me ...I think to myself, this is exactly where God wants me to be at this very moment.

May God continue to bless you with all those annoying little things and may you remember their possible purpose.

I guess I've always been a little strange. Going to the dentist has never bothered me. Neither has visiting the OB/GYN, and I consider having a colonoscopy something that needs to be done to ensure I stick around awhile longer since that cancer is the one that runs in my family. So I set off for my mammogram yesterday without a care in the world. It never dawned on me I'd be there for three hours! First the do the compressions and go show them to the radiologist. Then they come back and do a couple more. Then they call the doctor's office to get approval for sonograms. They do the sonograms. Come back and do the left one again, because they forgot to mark it. Do another one. Bring in another tech. Do it again and mention maybe bringing in the doctor so he can do it. And then for good measure, they do it one more time. All the while she is asking me about the surgery I had about five years ago, trying to figure out exactly what was removed. I don't remember...turned out to be nothing to worry about so I didn't. Well, she said they should have it in their records. Finally, as she's finishing, she says: "Oh, it's probably just a fluid filled cyst in the right one. You should get it aspirated just to make sure." Well, it didn't take rocket science to figure out they weren't really worried about that one. As for the left side she mentioned a biopsy with a mammogram and a wire, just to be sure that the site on the mammogram is the same as the site on the sonogram...it seems she wasn't confident they were one in the same. I'm so glad that life is a never ending adventure!

And why do I let the kids spend the night on someone else's house. The oldest is on the couch now because he was up untill 5 this morning! He's only 14. Isn't that a bit irresponsible on the part of the other mother? He was telling me that his friend went to bed at 10 pm, he was up because the friends younger brother was bothering him. Oh well, not much I can do about it now.

Why do I let my kids have someone over? This is someone who is friends with both of them, but they are already fighting after only three hours. Sometimes these things seem to last for days. Oh well, this too will pass. I just hope I'm still around to enjoy the peace afterwards.

I certainly will be glad when Little League season is finally and officially over. After managing all spring, my husband is now helping coach the 9-10 All Star team. Their first game is tomorrow. It should all be over by this time next week, unless of course, the team is successful, in which case they will move on from the Distrist level to the State level. I know I shouldn't hope they loose, but I do. Neither one of my kids played this year, just he husband. Oh well, I guess he's the biggest kid in the house.

Well, this is upsetting. I had a new post all ready to go and it disappeared. That is the way my day has been going anyway!

We joined a gym last week and we have gone everyday but two. I think that is really good. It's not too hard to get the boys to go, the only problem is that they don't want to stay longer than about a half hour. This is only a problem on the days I want to do the weight machines because it takes me at least 45 minutes. I'm thinking about going early in the day on the days I do weights, since they don't like going early any way, and then going with them again later in the day and doing cardio. That way, I'm doing cardio everyday, which is certainly a good thing.

It is hotter than the preverbial Hades here today. I didn't go out today untill it was time to go to the gym. It wasn't so bad on the way there, but I was so hot from working out that it wasn't too comfortable when I was done. Oh well, it certainly beats all the rain we've had lately. So far this year we are 10 inches above normal....and to think this time last year I was worried about my well drying up. I guess I don't need to worry about that right now, thank goodness.

Well, the summer is here and I'm ready for school to start. They have only been out a week, but already their days are full of fighting. Who am I talking about? My two sons, ages 14 and 12. We live in a small neighborhood in a rural area. They are the only two kids on the block. I guess I will go crazy before the end of summer. I have to go now, but I'll be back later.